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The Four Horsemen have been on "doomsday PTO" since AOL was cool.
Their apocalypse calendar has just one entry: “Someday.”
Pestilence is in a polycule with Mercury and Chaos.
Famine is on sabbatical to “study scarcity in artisanal cheese.”
Famine owns four air fryers and no shame.
Their horses unionized and now refuse to gallop after 5 p.m.
They’re not horsemen anymore—they’re just guys with hobbies.
Death is now a consultant for passive-aggressive hauntings.
War tried to instigate conflict but lost signal.
Famine went vegan and now can’t bring himself to destroy crops.
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